MENU

Georgian Loves His Meat- 8oz Burger that is!

“I Hate The Bars During Pride!”….Bill’s Survival Guide For...

June 15, 2012 Comments Off on Make Me Whatever You Want, But No Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila etc… Views: 854 Food, Grub & Grog, Living

Make Me Whatever You Want, But No Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila etc…

Pride is on the horizon and the community is getting excited.  This is evident through some of the numbers being reported at our favorite watering holes.  Most of you are aware that I am also tending at the barely 4 week old Evo Tapas Kitchen and Cabaret.  We have definitely had our obstacles during the opening process from a cocktail menu that is very craft oriented to not really knowing who our customer is.  I pride myself in having the ability to create cocktails that appeal to the tastes of the individual, based on a little profiling.  You can refer to that article after you read this.  Last Saturday night was a challenge for the bartenders at Evo.

We hosted multiple graduation events, our regular Social pre-gamers (I refuse to use the term prefunk), and the sprinkling of Hill hipsters who just want a beer and some grub.  Playing host to such a variety of markets under one roof is exhilarating from a guest service standpoint, but it is also challenging.  As expected, my favorite people to service, (ahem…get your mind out of the gutter), are The Social pregamers.  Most of these guys are made up of energetic twinks, gorgeous muscle boys, and sophisticated professional gay men.  They also know to trust my judgement when it comes to drinks.  After all, they have allowed me to spread my libations all over their palates in the past.   “Do you like sweet or not sweet?” is what I typically ask the newbie.  Then I take control and make them love it!  That isn’t the case with other markets for me.

In walks a woman who must have auditioned for the  Real Housewives of Seattle.  Now, I am not the one to prejudge.  Ok, Ok, I prejudged her ass the second she walked in.  She sat down at the bar.  I decided to become Bill, the hotel bartender, and place a beverage nap on the bar and issue her a menu.  She looked at the cocktail menu and said, “These look disgusting.”  I smiled.  Those of you who I speak with know why I smiled.  I said, “Do you lean towards the sweet or not so sweet?”  Not a complicated question, right?  She replied, “I like both.”  I offered to whip her up one of the drinks I make for all my gay boys, the Blueberry Squeeze.  She struck me down.  She asked me what wines we have.  I took her through the list.  She wanted a taste of our Jones Cabernet.  She hated it, as I expected.  Keep in mind all the time I am spending with this one woman, while a dozen gay boys get tired of waiting for her and head over to The Social.  They will, of course, check back for their Blueberry Squeeze and maybe a Bill Squeeze.  She finally ordered a Sapphire Martini with two olives, not three.  I prepare it for her and even pull out my old, OLD classic mixology training and stirred the cocktail rather than my piggy shaking method.  I just knew she would say some bullshit about me bruising the alcohol.  I spared myself that debate.  She took a sip.  No complaint!  I added her tab to the gazillion open tabs on the register.  I made a few cocktails for the servers, then I hear a snap.  YES, she snapped her fingers to get my attention.  I turned to her and said, “Honey, the bathroom is over there.”

She didn’t seem to understand what I meant which is probably why I said it.  I knew she wouldn’t get it.  Cuz ya know, all shit goes to the bathroom.  At any rate, I realized I was no longer up to the challenge that she presented and I pawned her off to another bartender.  They love when I do that.  So, the moral of all that mess I just wrote is that just trust your damn bartender to make you something tasty if you can’t make up your damn mind.  The business lost potential sales from the 12 guys who didn’t feel like waiting for her to get her shit together.  Let’s face it, this woman is not a repeat customer.  It is times like this I really miss bartending in bear bars on the east coast.  All the guys are awesome, friendly, know what they want, and are genuinely fun to be around.

Bill, make me something!  You will not be disappointed.  Be knowledgeable of the people around you while you are making up your mind.  Ask your bartender for help.  We are trained to mix cocktails so that you have a great night.  A lot of you have seen those crazy YouTube videos about customers who annoy bartenders.  I think they are funny.  I don’t annoy as easily as others because I am a bit obnoxious, but I will definitely help you get something in your mouth that will have you begging for more.  I mean, really, isn’t that what we all go out for?

Comments are closed.