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Ed Murray Kinda/Sorta Throws His Hat Into An Increasingly...

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December 5, 2012 Comments Off on We Need To Try Harder: Seattle Is Only The 4th Most Promiscuous Homo City Views: 1166 Uncategorized

We Need To Try Harder: Seattle Is Only The 4th Most Promiscuous Homo City

Bland, orange tinted sluts of WeHo win the SlutLympics. Again.

Who doesn’t love lame surveys conducted by questionable media outlets in an effort to encourage web traffic and readership?

Some dumb website I’ve never heard of, SeekingArrangement.com which claims to be the world’s largest sugar daddy dating website polled 11,000 of it’s whoriest members to determine how many of them join hook up sites with a goal of getting their dirty manholes plugged.

Uh, all of them, dumbass. That’s why people GO to hook up sites, to HOOK UP!

Jesus.

Anyway, apparently the biggest slut bags live in WeHo…again, not a shock. Just walking down a side street in WeHo will give you a nasty case of the clap. The air trembles with tiny microbes of sexually transmitted filth and even tinier molecules of orange spray tan and dollar store lubricant.

And, that’s just the block in front of the local Catholic church.

The closet case polesmokers in our nation’s capital, Washington DC took second place followed by the notorious pass around party bottoms so endemic in San Francisco for third. Maybe if these two groups of opposite coast tramps agreed to meet half way, then Kansas City might have a shot at placing on this scientific survey…they could have a huge fuckapalooza at Crown Center followed by some tasty BBQ at Arthur Bryant’s!

Proudly, Seattle comes/cums in at number 4 but we’re guessing they must have conducted this poll back in May when many of our sluttiest friends were off man camping in the wilderness and thus unable to use their cum covered cellphones to partake in the survey…we really think our number should be much bigger. And, longer. And, harder.

The most shocking revelation about this survey? The presence of fucking COLUMBUS OHIO at number 5!!!

Let me repeat that: COLUMBUS OHIO…the hometown of Wendy’s fast food and people who identify as “Buckeyes”.

I guess there’s nothing else to DO in Columbus but hook up for slutty Buckeye tinged buttsex…you have to fill your time somehow in between going through the drive in at Wendy’s and the drive in at Sonic…

Meanwhile, the sluts of Seattle really do need to try harder. Quit being so picky and just play Grindr roulette and cornhole EVERYONE within a 5000 foot radius.

Oh, wait. Most of you have.

Make that 10,000 foot radius.

 

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