Claire Johnson’s deliciously sexy donuts, the best thing in the show, two years in a row…Photo Credit: “Poorworm“
Mr Strangeways had a busy, busy day on Thursday. He worked from home, went to the SIFF press launch, went into the office and worked until 5:45pm then dragged his sorry ass to the sneak peak preview for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival which officially opened today, (Friday, April 30) and runs through the weekend at the Seattle Center Exhibition Hall (that’s the building between McCaw Hall and the Intiman Theater; the exhibit part is DOWNSTAIRS in the building). I think the best way to describe my experience, is to be lazy and do a list…
6pm: Arrive at Seattle Center. Wander around for 10 minutes trying to find the Exhibition Hall which I’ve confused with the Northwest Rooms. Finally realize it’s the building with all the semi-naked people standing around in front of it…
6:15pm: Get media badge which you have to tie on…annoying.
6:17pm: Enter room and immediately see man wearing a jockstrap and Thom McCan shoes carrying a wicker basket. He is a docent handing out forms to vote for the best art/artist. I try not to look too much at his basket.
This is a good space for this show…roomy, airy and comfortable. The best venue I’ve seen this show in. And, the art is a little better than it is some years. The problem with this show, in my opinion, is that the art is usually not very arty (meaning few great artists show here) and the erotic stuff isn’t very erotic. Originality, wit and charm are not the hallmarks of this festival…
But, bustiers, Utilikilts and bondage wear are…the patrons of this show are frequently more entertaining than the art on display. Sadly, the rule seems to be, the people who SHOULDN’T show much skin tend to do so, while the people that you wish WOULD strip down, don’t…
I got here early, and this is WORK for me, so I’ve been a studious little critic and wandered around the show for an hour looking at everything and taking notes. I finally relax a bit about 7pm and begin paying more attention to the crowds than the art as the gallery begins to fill up…there is a large cross section of humanity here…I’ve already seen several leathery, S/M types, a little person, two people in wheelchairs, a bored looking grandma sitting down and wishing she were anywhere else but HERE, and someone I used to volunteer with at the LGBT Center (R.I.P), the divine Misty who was functioning as a guard and hoping she didn’t have to wrestle anyone to the ground for inappropriate behaviour…
7:06: First whiff of stinky man-funk…a fetish that has ALWAYS been lost on me…a little sweaty stink generated by hours of love-making is fine with me; prolonged refusal to bathe for days at a time, is not, and reminds me of my much hated, evil Uncle Sam and his manly contempt for regular bathing or deodorants. But, since he was married to my bitch aunt Ellen, maybe it was his revenge on HER…
7:15: Waxie Moon sighting! Who doesn’t love the ubiquitous Waxie Moon and those seductively loooooong legs?
7:26: First Performance Art sets up. It’s a theatrically dressed young woman sitting in a folding chair with a large salad bowel at her feet and a vegetable grater situated at her crotch. Another artist crouches down and begins grating onions in that region, with the gratings landing in the bowl below. Several glassy-eyed men watch this with fascination. I am suddenly flooded with simultaneous cravings/revulsion for a plate of onion rings…
7:29: I think I see someone I’ve seen naked at the beach but I can’t be sure unless they take off their pants…
7:41: Finally see a piece of art that is graphic and displays the aftermath of the act of lovemaking on the part of the male partner. It seems odd that I’ve been here for nearly two hours before I encounter any “splooge”….
7:53: Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid, the beloved “Lipstick & Lust” columnist for the SGN is spotted! (Then again, she lives down the street from me and I see her almost everyday…)
8:04: Faggedy Randy (pictured) sighting! The beloved dance sensation from “Can-Can” looks hot in his acid washed jeans and layers of sinewy muscle. He is oddly faggedy and butch at the same time…HOT!
Photo Credit: Chris Blakeley
8:08: I go to the restroom. As I am washing my hands, an obviously gay couple come in and immediately enter a cubicle together…are they turned on enough by the show to risk having a “quickie” in the stall? Is one of them having a wardrobe malfunction and the other is assisting? Or, maybe it’s a medical emergency involving an asthma inhaler… I don’t know, but I will tell you that one of the people involved is someone I’ve mentioned, or WILL mention, in this column…Hint: no, it’s not Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid…
Photo Credit: Malixe Photo
8:15: A well-dressed, older and respectable looking man, who reminds me of the actor Paul Sorvino, or maybe a mid-level mobster, begins chatting me up about some art. I’m nervously confused that he might be hitting on me, but it soon becomes apparent that he’s not looking to get laid, but is trying to sell me on the art: the guy is an art dealer and he’s talking about his artist’s work in order to sell me on it. I’m not very enthused. I’m not a huge fan of the art which isn’t very original or daring but I make polite conversation and subtle criticism before slipping away, then making sure I stay away from that part of the room…
8:25: Dan Savage sighting. Sadly, he is not in leather…
8:35: I’m exhausted; it’s time to go home…I’ve seen enough clit, dick and ass drippings for the day. I wanted to stay for the Live Burlesque entertainment, but it’s just not going to happen. I’ve already been here too long to participate in “Dining Out For Life” which I’m guilt-tripping over. I leave at the same as Ms Dirzhud-Rashid and her companion but I walk faster than they do and make it to the bus stop and a waiting bus before they do, so I don’t get the opportunity to eavesdrop on their opinion of the show…pity.
The Seattle Erotic Art Festival runs through Sunday, May 2 at the Exhibition Hall at Seattle Center. UPDATE: I forgot to say, it’s FREE admission on Sunday, May 2 so if you’re on a budget, that’s the day to go!
About the Author: Michael Strangeways
