Listen, we all have one (or several) family members that have only lived in one city their entire life. They probably voted for Dubya, hate Burrack Hussien Obammer with a fiery passion, and don’t want the homosexuals “shoving” their sinful lifestyle down their throats.
This, of course, can foster animosity between you and your relatives that either are just willfully uniformed or actively choose to be a horrible person. And so, to your rescue, I have devised a list of pre-planned responses for you to sling at them if they choose not be an adult and attempt to come for you.
When you’re trying to start Thanksgiving dinner and play nice among the bigotry:
Then they start mouthing off, so this is what you begin with:
You look over, and your cousin says gays are sinners and going to Hell:
After that, someone calls Caitlyn Jenner “a man in a dress,” or simply Bruce:
But then they say you’re transphobic, because you lament that she’s voting Republican:
Next, they start in on the “terrorist Syrian refugees” but have a Nativity scene set-up:
Followed by how Joseph & Mary weren’t planning on bombing us, so it’s totally different:
So, if all else fails, cut your losses and GTFO:
And if they really don’t want to hear you out and leave in a huff, there’s always this: