Here you can see DonnaTella Howe as her boxy hips readjust under the piles of tights she has on herself.
Although the hot new faddish trend of dumping buckets full of ice over your head has started to dwindle away, Seattle’s own DonnaTella Howe is leading the charge on a sequel to it, only this time it will raise awareness and funds to support research geared towards Boxy Hipped Syndrome (BHS). Currently, Miss Howe is the only recorded drag queen in Seattle herstory to have succumbed to the cardboard ridden disease, but she exclusively told Seattle Gay Scene that it doesn’t get in the way of her day-to-day life.
Just last week, she launched The HoweDoYouDo Foundation, which is a 501(c) non-profit organization that will work closely with the Imperial Court System in eradicating the vicious infestation, normally located in your hip area. So far, the disease has only manifested itself in Miss Howe’s body. She is seemingly the carrier for it and it seems to be non-communal, as it hasn’t passed on to anyone else yet.
Here you can see DonnaTella Howe asking patrons of The Baltic Room if they’ve heard of BHS and if they’d like to donate to the cause in support of research.
“All my sisters have started to wear face-masks around me. It’s expected,” Howe said. “Monikkie always wears one in her regular drag attire, so she seized the opportunity and started a black market bedazzling business to make their face masks look extra fierce.”
The event itself will be held on Sunday, Sept 7th at Neighbours Nightclub and will be hosted by a trio of drag queens to include Gaysha Starr, Sylvia O’Stayformore, and Raye Sunshine. The latter of the three was just here this past weekend, but apparently she hasn’t left. Also joining the line-up will be Atasha Manila, artStar Charlatan, Cherry Sur Bete, Deja Nouveau, Haily Hummel, Isaac Scott, and the entire cast of Le Faux at Julia’s On Broadway.
Here you can see one of the rituals that DonnaTella Howe conducts to get over her anxiety of boxy-hippedness.
Sources have confirmed that a super secret surprise performance by Mama Tits is planned and she will be handing out breast plates to all the flat chested queens as well as pink ribbons to simultaneously raise awareness for breast cancer. Cucci Binaca will also be on hand wearing her infamous condom dress to raise awareness for testicular cancer and she has announced she will be giving free exams on site in the bathroom.
“I think Alessandra Hunt’s invite was lost in the mail,” Howe said. “But, she did say on her Twitter feed that she was booked at her local Little Caesar’s just down the street, so I don’t know.”
Sponsorships for the event will be provided by Atomic Cosmetics, Team Diva Real Estate, and The Mix in Tacoma, WA. Tranma will also have a kissing booth in the back, sponsored by Seattle Gay Scene. Below, I’ve attached pictures of DonnaTella Howe before and after her boxy-episodes so that you can be more informed of the side-effects.
And, here you can see Slyvia O’Stayformore and Deja Nouveau doing the ritual in support of Miss Howe.
This entire article is complete satire, none of it is fact or should be taken as such.
About the Author: Brad Gilligan
