It’s such a beloved tradition it really does seem like it’s been going on for more than 6 years…yes, it’s time for
It’s the beloved annual Xmas/Holiday Gay Bar Crawl organized by Scott “The Bucket” and it’s happening this Saturday, December 17, 2016 at a disreputable gay bar near YOU!
(As long as you’re on Capitol Hill….)
It’s the homosexual version of the popular straight holiday themed bar crawl featured in many cities (and frequently called “Santarchy” or “Santa Con” or something similar…) which features drunk straight people wearing Santa outfits (frequently, just a Santa Hat because most straight people are lazy and bad at festivities…I keed!)
March of the Mistletomosexuals features hordes of zexy gay men barely dressed in holiday themed jock straps, furry wraps and garish make-up and usually found clutching each other or a stein of beer.
It’s not to be confused with “March of the MarisaTomeisexuals” that features gay men wearing cheap wigs, unfortunate separates from TJ Maxx and poorly applied but equally garish make-up and clutching undeserved Academy Awards…
From the mouth/fingers of organizer Scott, here’s the plan for this year’s March:
The plan is to begin massing around 9:00 pm at CC Attle’s. CC’s is big enough to hold most, if not all of us. From there, we’ll begin our march on Broadway to the Pike-Pine corridor around 10 pm. We’ll patronize Diesel, Madison Pub, Purr, and Pony; these are small establishments, so feel free to pick one. The goal is to meet back up again at the Cuff around 11/11:30. Many may choose to hang out at the Cuff for the rest of the night, with others rolling down the hill to the Eagle.
Some general RULES:
FIRST: Wear a costume. The “true” Santacon/Santarchy uniform is a Santa suit. The March of the Mistletomosexuals is “gay Santarchy,” so our group is naturally more creative and definitely more flamboyant. Wear lights, tinsel, and GLITTER! Be a reindeer, or an elf, if you want. Heck, be a Grinch, if you like. SIMPLY WEARING A SANTA HAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE (unless you’re otherwise nearly naked.) Not wearing a full costume is lame and we will NOT let you play our reindeer games.
SECOND: Yes, it’s “Santarchy,” but we are by no means anarchists. Please behave responsibly.
1. BRING YOUR I.D. You will not be allowed in a bar without proper identification.
2. Santa is not cheap. You WILL PAY any bar cover charges and you WILL NOT complain.
3. You will be courteous to the public. Feel free to bring candy to give to people you meet on the street. No drunken disorderliness, please.
4. At any location, we’ll linger just long enough for one quick drink. Stay with your group when they shove off to another welcoming watering ho-ho-hole.
5. If a bar is too crowded, go with a group to another one.
6. Bring enough cash to take a cab home.
THIRD: It’s sad to need to mention this last bit, but due to recent incidents on the Hill, PLEASE do not get tipsy and walk around alone. Stay in a group. When the night is over, don’t walk back to your car or home alone. (If you’re tipsy, call a cab.) Everyone’s goal is to get home safe, alone, or with one or more Santas!
FOURTH: Be outgoing. Have FUN. SING! CHANT! CHEER! Get yourself on the naughty list (in a good way.)
About the Author: Michael Strangeways
