This week brought us the finale of Season 3 of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” titled “Welcome to the Tombs” and tombs there were. Let’s get into it.
We open with an extremely disturbing close up of the Guv’nor torturing an unseen victim while espousing the virtues of his “kill or die” philosophy. We soon find out that his victim is Milton, who burned the Guv’nor’s Walkers to the ground. He clearly has been working poor Milton over for some time as Milton’s face looks like the pound of ground round that I grilled over the weekend (YUMMY!!!). Milton is down but not out and asks the Guv’nor what his dead Walker daughter Penny would think of him now. Instead of flying into a rage and finishing off Milton, which I suspect is what Milton was trying to accomplish with that question, the Guv’nor says that Penny would be afraid of him (duh) but if he had been like that from the get go she would still be alive (yeah, not so sure it’s a Walker that turned your daughter not a human and I am pretty sure you NEVER had any compunctions about killing Walkers, Guv).
The Guv’Nor then takes Milton into the torture chamber where he is holding LABB Drea. LABB looks very much worse for wear, her wrists are a bloody mess from trying to get free and she has about a million scrapes on her face and chest. I am not a fan of LABB but she really didn’t deserve this.
The Guv’Nor forces Milton to pick up his torture tools as he won’t need them anymore. While Milton is doing this he drops a pair of pliers behind LABB Drea’s chair and leaves them. The Guv’Nor then orders him to kill LABB Drea but instead Milton turns on the Guv’Nor but because he is not good at fighting the Guv’Nor gets the knife and stabs him, brutally, in the stomach a few times. He then leaves him dying in the room with LABB Drea knowing that Milton will turn and then make LABB Drea into Stepbury’s next blue plate special.
Next we check-in with Daddy Rick and his prison gang. The gang is packing up the prison to get the hell out of dodge, we assume. Carl is being a petulant little prick that still needs a GODDAMN haircut and won’t speak to his Daddy. Carol and Daryl have a touching moment about Merle’s sacrifice (part of me wants them to fuck but then I remember what happened to the X-Files when Scully and Mulder finally bumped uglies, yeah…let’s wait on that) and Michonne tells Rick she understands and forgives why he considered giving her to the Guv’Nor.
Back to Stepbury and the Guv’Nor’s army. He is rallying the troupes when Tyreese and Sasha come up and tell him they aren’t going they don’t kill people and they are going to watch the Chirruns (thank God someone finally thought of the Chirruns). The Guv’Nor is clearly pissed and I half expected him to kill them on the spot but instead he thanks them and they army goes on its merry way.
Flash forward to the Stepbury Army assaulting the prison. Lots of Walkers getting mowed down, lots of watchtowers exploding but strangely no one from the prison is returning fire.
Back in the Stepbury torture suite Milton tells LABB Drea about the pliers and tells her to hurry up, free herself and then kill him.
Back at the prison the Guv’Nor has split his army into teams and are now exploring the basement corridors of the prison aka the tombs. It’s tense and dark and SCARY especially when the prison sirens start going off and smoke grenades start exploring. Uh, OH looks like Daddy Rick and the gang didn’t actually bug out. The Guv’Nor’s army panics and flees while Maggie and Glenn, tricked out in the best prison riot gear, are shooting at them but don’t actually seem to hit anyone, FAIL!!!
Back in Stepbury Tyreese and Sasha are checking on the Chirrun and planning their escape while in the torture suite instead of freeing herself LABB Drea is having a leisurely conversation about how she wanted to save everyone until Milton tells her to hurry the fuck up because he is almost dead and which means he is going to eat her soon. She hurries the fuck up, sort of.
Back at the prison we join Hershel, Beth and Carl. Carl is pissed that he has been sideline but finally gets his chance when a Stepbury child soldier tries to surrender to him. Hershel is ready to accept the surrender but not Carl, he straight-up executes the Stepbury child soldier by shooting him in the face, IN THE FACE!!! Carl is clearly turning into what Daddy Rick can’t seem to become, a man that gets shit done albeit in the best tradition of the Guv’Nor.
Meanwhile the Guv’Nor is trying to stop the route of his army and is having a shit fit. One of the Stepbury residents tells him they aren’t going back and the Guv’Nor answers that mutiny by opening fire on his own people and he executes the hell out of them. He then calmly gets in his car and forces Martinez and his other lieutenant, who is apparently called Shumpert (really that name?), to join him. They look horrified but follow his orders like the good little Stepbury kids that they are and they all drive off. WORST ROADTRIP EVER!!!
Back at Stepbury LABB Drea is trying to pick up the pliers with her perfectly manicured toes (Stepbury must have a nail salon we haven’t seen) and Milton is dead with twitchy fingers.
Back at the prison Hershel narcs out Killer Carl to Daddy Rick, Daddy Rick looks sad, the group prepares to take the fight to Stepbury, Glenn and Maggie puss out and decide to guard the prison (PTSD?), and Killer Carl tells Daddy Rick that unlike Daddy Rick he gets shit done.
Daddy Rick, Michonne and Daryl leave to finish the job and come across the slaughter of the Guv’Nor’s army and one survivor that gives them the dope.
Back in the torture suite Milton reanimates, LABB Drea manages to get one hand free, then another, then Milton charges, then the camera pans to outside the door and we hear a screen and a thud. Oopsies, guess you should have moved quicker, maybe, LABB Drea.
Daddy Rick et al talk their way past Sasha and Tyreese by telling them about the Guv’Nor’s true nature and start the search for LABB Drea who they find and who was bitten by Milton before she killed him. We now have a touching death scene where LABB Drea tells everyone she just wanted to make sure no one died. Michonne cries, Daddy Rick, Daryl and Tyreese look tortured. They wait outside while LABB Drea, witnessed by Michonne, kills herself and everyone has a good cry.
We end with the Stepbury prisoners joining the Prison Gang back at the prison and Killer Carl is PISSED…and CUT!!!
Phew…that was a whirlwind end to a season that had a lot of ups and downs.
Here’s what I liked:
- Killer Carl progression to stone cold killer. That kid gets shit done and everyone should watch their backs around him.
- LABB Drea is dead. Part of me hoped that she would get free and kill the Guv’Nor and thereby redeem herself but really the writers had made her so wishy washy that death was her only way out.
- Tyreese and Michonne are full-fledged members of the group.
- Ghost Lori is gone, hopefully for good.
Here’s what I didn’t like:
- THE MOTHERFUCKING GUV’NOR IS STILL ALIVE!!! If he is still the main villain next season I am going to spit.
- The gang is still at the prison, why didn’t they move to Stepbury? They could have just smudged the hell out of it with sage and improved upon the already strong fortifications.
- While I thought the scenes between Soon-To-Be-Walker and Walker Milton and LABB Drea were well acted (at least by Dallas Roberts) I sort of wished Milton had escaped and joined the prison gang. They could use his smarts.
The series doesn’t start up again until October which is a long, long way away. See you then!!!