Trigger Alert Warning: This Jackie Hell Interview Is Not Suitable For Anyone

The legendary JACKIE HELL reveals all her hellish secrets in her Seattle Gay Scene interview/plug for her new show at Pony on May 11, 2017.

Legendary icon and corndog enthusiast Jackie Hell is getting her due on May 11th at the Pony bar. “The show will be a Jackie Hell theme/tribute night called Welcome to Hell and feature performances by stars like Adé, Josh Hartvigson, Tony James in one of his many manifestations, ArtStar Charlatan and Jackie herself, with art by such folks as Kelly O, Anouk Rawkson, and Kook Teflon, and will also include a photo booth, go go dancing, video, door prizes, Jackie t-shirts for sale, “exotic cuisine” (i.e. corn dogs?) and will be Pony’s first Capitol Hill Art Walk show this year.  Having been around herself for quite a while, Anna T Rexia decided to get nostalgic and travel the Highway to Hell with Jackie. 

Anna:  Hello, Sweetie, it’s been a slight while! Congrats on the tribute night.  Did you die or something?

Jackie: Hi Anna! Nope, didn’t die. A lot of people thought that I died, but I’ve just been in the bathroom this whole time.

Anna: “Clexy” (classy + sexy, but we all knew that) is not arguably your greatest hit! Do you get tired of requests for it and just want to play “the new stuff”?  Do you change it up every so often with an acoustic version or added verses?

Jackie: I do like to mix it up a bit. Acoustic version? Ha! I never thought of that! Clexy by the campfire! When I make the clexy music video, I want to add some verses. Like have a jogger who is “swexy”, that’s sweaty and sexy.

Anna: What is your idea of Heaven and Hell?

Jackie:  Heaven: Clapping, or yelling for things to be brought to me in bed. Never having to get up. Or is that a nursing home?

Hell: Being stuck on the #7 bus….forever! Oh Gawd!

Anna: Which witch would you want to take a broomstick ride with if Witchy Poo weren’t available: a) Madam Mim, b) Winifred Sanderson or c) Ann Coulter?  How would you kill the other two?

Jackie: Probably would take Madam Mim, it would be fun to cackle with her! I wouldn’t really want to kill Winifred Sanderson. But if I did, I would force feed her babies & kittens and stitch her butthole closed, so she can’t poop. I’d kill Ann Coulter by having Hillary Clinton pee on her face…

Anna: Which are the best control tops?  Which may answer my next question: what’s the best thing you’ve shoplifted?

Jackie: Well, the best control tops are free ones, of course! The best shoplifting would have to be the time I stole a delivery truck from Lane Bryant, score!

Anna: Em’ma Gawd! and I were inspired early on by the Pho Bang scene that you and Ursula Android created at Foxes, back in the day.  It was the first time anyone asked us to perform, but we got timid and way too drunk.  If we had gotten our shit together and done a number, do you think we’d be famous now? Also: anything or anyone you miss from those days?

Jackie: A lot of those performers at Pho Bang slipped on all the booze on stage and cracked their heads open. The only future for them after that, was a career in the porn business. It’s probably a blessing you didn’t do it. I miss a lot about the old scene we had here. You can’t replace a bar like Foxes. It was a real shit hole! I miss seeing Peggy perform. She was deaf, mute and had a peg for one of her legs. She didn’t even know that we called her Peggy. A true  gem, that one!

Anna: Is Hell really for children and if so where the fuck can we send the tweens? Speaking of, any of these new queens you want to give a shout out to?

Jackie: The song says Hell is for children, but all are welcome. I’d like to give a shout out to Strawberry Shartcake! She’s such a hoot! I’m looking forward to doing more shows with her.

Anna: If you could only bring one long-gone gay bar back to Capitol Hill, would it be a) Foxes b) Hamburger Mary’s or c) Broadway Taco Bell?

Jackie: It’s almost a tie between Foxes and Broadway Taco Bell. I’ll go with Foxes, we need more trash around here!

Anna: If you could never eat another corn dog – doctor’s orders – which would you rather eat for the rest of your life: a) fried chicken heads b) blood sausages or c) Burt Reynold’s ass?

Jackie: Wow! That’s a hard decision. Could I eat Fried chicken heads out of Burt Reynold’s ass?

Anna: Where in Seattle is the Hellmouth located?

Jackie: I want to say 3rd & Pine, but it needs to be classier than that. Let’s go with the Crescent Lounge.

Anna: Time for Fuck, Marry, Kill: Hell Edition: Gordon Ramsey, Milo Yiannopoulos and Steve Bannon, go!

Jackie: I can’t kill all three? Fuck Milo, Marry Gordon, Kill Steve.

Anna: There’s been a lot of death lately…in this interview! So one final question: how do you want to be remembered?

Jackie: As a lying, thieving bitch.

Anna T Rexia performed in Jackie’s Hurricane Katrina benefit with a giant possum to a Rasputina song.  She was also in a Sex Workers & the City skit in Jackie’s Snackhole show. She and Em’ma Gawd! grew up in the Pho Bang / Foxes scene and would miss it dearly if they had memories/attention spans.  They barely have basic balancing skills.

Anna Rexia, Emma Gawd, Tammy Dinette in a Love Triangle “back in the day”…

Welcome To Hell Info:

Hello darling! The show will be a Jackie Hell theme/tribute night called “Welcome to Hell” on May 11th @ Pony 5pm – 2am

Performance by: Adé, Strawberry Shartcake, Tony James, Josh Hartvigson, Goody Goody, Jackie Hell, Sinfonia Delish, ArtStar Charlatan

Jackie Hell themed art by: Kelly O, Anouk Rawkson, Benjamin Gazy, Tara Thomas, Kook Teflon

Photo Booth by: Rio Abundez

Go Go dancing by: Amber Marie

Video by: Harlen Munso

Door prizes 

New “Jackie Hell” t-shirts for sale

Exotic cuisine (probably corn dogs) 

Pony’s first Capitol Hill Art Walk show this year