Mama’s Take On “Bio Queens” And Falsies

Mama answers all your fake tits related questions!

Mama Tits seems to have a lot of mail this week from folks with questions about gender…and, fake boobs…interesting.

What’s your take on the term “Bio-Queen”?

I know it’s easy to say, but it makes no sense. You can be biologically female. Being a Queen is a separate achievement. It also sounds like a hazardous waste cleaning product. I prefer “Female To Female” or F2F. I agree that we should be able to boast about the work we put forth to get into drag by putting a label on it, but do we need to be so lazy with our words?

Anonymous Fabulous

Mama Tits: The term “Bio-Queen” is a relatively newer term in my lexicon. For those of you who have not heard the term “Bio-Queen”, according to UrbanDictionary.com:

Bio-Queen or Faux Queen- An uber fabulous female, sometimes referred to as a “Drag Queen” trapped in a female body”

Simply put, a faux queen is a woman who dresses like a male drag performer dressing as a woman. The first time I ever heard the term “Bio- anything” had to be back when I was very active with The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence ™. The term “Bio-Girl Nun” was used when talking about the Sisters that were born biologically female. It wasn’t until I worked at a certain celebrity impersonation show here in Seattle that I actually heard the term “Bio-Queen” used to describe an entertainer. I completely agree that being a Queen and being female are two very different things. You can have both but one does not rely on the other. Quite frankly it’s all DRAG…we were born naked so anything else is Drag; some of us just make it look good, hence the “Queen” addition. The level of Queen is one that is learned over years of perfecting your craft while being utterly fabulous in all that you portray. A Queen is also able to rise above the crap and handle whatever is thrown at her with grace and poise. Now a Queen may choose to open up the library and give someone a good read, but a true Queen always knows when it’s the proper time for “T” and a good read. I do not agree that the term “Bio-Queen” sounds like a hazardous waste cleaning product; I find it quite adequate in describing Biological Female Drag Queens or Entertainers, because that is exactly what they are. Granted the descriptive any individual chooses to use is entirely up to the individual, however, when I hear your suggested term of F2F I instinctively connect that with the Female to Male (F2M) or Male to Female (M2F) terming used in our transgender community. I think “Bio-Queens” should embrace their title…anyone who chooses to cinch themselves up, pad, wear all the layers of tights, the 900lbs of makeup, do all the contouring, wear the wigs, the lashes and such as and hence forth and so on should be proud to let people know that the only difference between them and a “Drag Queen” is the tuck, and let’s face it I have known many women with much bigger “balls” then any man and most of them are “Bio-Queens”.

I’ve always wanted a big pair of tits but don’t wanna be a tranny…what should I do?

Sincerely, Tittieless in San Francisco.

Mama Tits: You have two options here. One, you go and buy yourself a pair of falsies or a breast plate. Two, you make a pair.

Option 1 may be easier, but it will not be cheap. Breast plates while great in some applications, most often are too high and/or too close together, AND, you have to hide the edge of the plate itself. They are heavy and hot as hell because that latex does not breathe what so ever and believe me, we queens have enough things on that do not breathe that we do not need to be adding a giant rubber plate across our chests…Can we say wet smelly fish?

The other part of option 1 is to look into one of the many Transgender websites or mail order catalogs…trust me, there are many more out there than you might think. One I know of is http://www.crossdresser.com . These sites/catalogs tend to have many options available with a lifelike feel. Plus I have found that they give you a more realistic product with real world applications. But keep in mind this option is not cheap…a good pair of tits at crossdresser.com will run you anywhere from $250- $350 and a good breast plate from somewhere like http://www.boobsforqueens.com will run you $625 – $700.

Option 2 is simple: Get one of your girlfriends who know how to generally fit a bra, fit YOU for a bra so you know what size around you need and then decide on the cup size you want…and, remember in the world of Drag that Bigger is always Better. Then, once you have a good bra then you have the option of filling the breast cup with whatever you choose. There are a few tried and true methods, one of the most popular being “The Rice In The Stocking” Tit: Take a pair of nylons and cut the feet off at about mid-calf, then fill them with rice to the desired size, tie the nylons off then turn the excess of the stocking back over the newly tied tit. This way the knot creates the nipple. This option is not recommended for those queens who sweat a lot, unless you plan to change those tits out and make new ones weekly. If not, you just might sprout those tits and have a rice patch in your bra! You could also do the same process using a water balloon in cut off stockings, but again I caution you, too much pressure or a broach pin that goes awry may result in one wet lopsided Drag Queen.

The other way, and the way I make my tits, is I take a well-fitting bra with ample cup size and I sew a piece of fabric to the back of the bra, (basically creating an empty pillow), then before I close up the pillow all the way I take regular poly-fill for making pillows and stuff the hell out of each cup until I reach the desired fullness and firmness, then I sew it up! The great thing about this option is if you choose your fabrics properly, the breasts will breathe a bit allowing for some air flow and I can throw them in the wash regularly and just hang dry them. You gotta wash your shit and keep it smelling good because no one wants a rank smelling Drag Queen and I know you all have come across one or two of those because lord knows I have: DIVAS WASH YOUR SHIT! Wash those tights, those body cinchers, those tits, those costumes and wash them often! It’s simple to do and we all will thank you for it!

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Got a question or need some advice? Mama Tits is here to answer ALL your queries!

Drop her a line at: mamatitsonstage@gmail.com

And, please remember that Ms Tits is NOT a licensed therapist or doctor of any kind. She’s happy to offer her pearls of wisdom based on her many years of experience, but if you have serious issues that involve your physical or mental health, please consult a licensed medical or mental health professional.

Check out Mama Tits at her website, Pink is the New Everything.com or keep even more up to date with her Facebook page! And, don’t forget to check out her weekly drag brunch extravaganza at The Grill on Broadway, every Sunday from 1pm to 3pm, MIMOSAS WITH MAMA!