34 Year Old Local Man To Host “Dickslap” At The Eagle

It’s a head scratcher.  A 34 year old local man and purported musical theater loving homosexual, “Dan Savage” will be hosting Nark Magazine’s monthly “Dickslap” party at The Seattle Eagle on Friday, May 17th. Why, we haven’t a clue…”Mr. Savage” wouldn’t know a bass line if it bit him in the vas deferens and he hasn’t cut a rug since Rodgers dumped Hart for Hammerstein. We’re assuming he’s aware that it’s highly unlikely there will be a house remix of Sondheim dance tracks played during the event…The designated djs for the evening will be Trouble and Pavone; Mr. Nark is off gallivanting around the nation spreading the joy of dickslapping to naive young gay hipsters.

For an added treat, “Mr. Savage” will be giving away sex toys provided by something called “Oxballs.com”.

How unseemly.

There will also b gelatin infused plastic cups of liquor; go go boys desperately in need of some grooming and hygiene; and the usual spectacle of middle aged bears interacting with infantile, glitter gays living off their parents’ hard earned assets.

Disgusting.

The perversion officially starts at 10pm and inexplicably goes on until 3am when we assume the disinfecting, high pressure hoses are brought out to remove the vermin and give the Eagle a thorough and much needed sanitizing. Naturally, it’s 21+ and there will be some sort of cover charge to defray the costs of promoting moral degradation.

Scandalously arousing.