Matt Damon needs to grow up: A rant about crybaby Democrats.

"I'm Matt Damon!"

Actor Matt Damon is on the Poo-blicity Trail hawking his new goo-fest film, “We Bought A Zoo” and he talked to Elle magazine and the liberal, political activist had some harsh and bitter words about President Obama, reiterating remarks he’s made earlier in the year in an interview with Piers Morgan:

Is it mere coincidence that today, just down the Vancouver street from where Damon sits, the first day of Occupy Wall Street–offshoot wildfire has flared up over the border? “I’ve talked to a lot of people who worked for Obama at the grassroots level. One of them said to me, ‘Never again. I will never be fooled again by a politician,’ ” Damon says, his disappointment ringing with a now-familiar tone of wounded idealism. “You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better.” Damon gestures in the direction, just out of sight over the tree line, of the sign-wielding picketers who are beginning to gather steam. “If the Democrats think that they didn’t have a mandate—people are literally without any focus or leadership, just wandering out into the streets to yell right now because they are so pissed off,” he says. “Imagine if they had a leader.” And, as on the day of that DC rally, it is momentarily possible to get swept up in the moment, to imagine—however ridiculously, whether in reality or coming soon to a multiplex near you—exactly that.

THIS is why I always go to actors for political advice and commentary…in fashion magazines while they hawk their latest shitty movie project they made $10 million dollars on.

I dunno, Matt…did mysterious elves get the Health Care Reform Bill passed, or end DADT, or get us out of Iraq, or keep the country from completely collapsing?

As a liberal, I’m so fucking pissed off with cry baby liberals who whine, “But, Obama hasn’t given us the Socialist Utopia he allegedly promised us! WAAAAAH!”

And, the constant threats of “I’m not voting for Obama in 2012! That’ll teach the Democrat Party a lesson and they’ll REALLY give us the Utopian Liberal Super God we need!”

Yeah, and that’s worked out so well for us in the past…

MORE bitching and ranting, after the Jump.

Yes, I’ve been frustrated by Obama. He tries too hard to play “nice” a fatal flaw of recent Democratic Presidents and wanna be’s…they all want to be loved by everyone and don’t want to play hard ball. They all want to be JFK, a beloved icon for the Democratic Party. Of course, they seem to forget that JFK is an icon because he’s a dead martyr, and not for what he accomplished in office. Most of JFK’s promised liberal agenda was passed by LBJ after he died, largely due to a lot of political wrangling on LBJ’s part, and a sense of guilt over a dead president with a pretty wife and two cute kids. In reality, JFK was a toothy, rich boy with an overactive penis, a bad back and Addison’s Disease who fumbled his way through the White House. He’s a hero for being an exciting character in a generational soap opera, and for dying. Yet, all the major Democrats of the last 50 years aspire to his Sainthood. They all want to be JFK and not LBJ who was a tough bastard who actually got some shit done, because he wasn’t afraid of playing hardball. (And, yes, LBJ had a lot of faults, too. He totally dropped the ball with Vietnam among other things.)

Republicans have gotten things accomplished for THEIR agenda, because they aren’t afraid to be tough…even vicious. That doesn’t mean the Left should be vicious, but we do need to be tough and strong and unafraid to say unpopular things that not everyone will like. Being bi-partisan and reaching out to the other side, only works if the other side is willing to play ball. And, the Right is seldom willing to do that. Make an effort and if it isn’t received then proceed to be strong and decisive. That’s how shit gets done. That’s why we love Barney Frank…he knows how to play the game.

But, I digress, as I’m prone to do. My annoyance with Matt Damon and recent whining from some liberal democrats (many of them very young) has been building up to this: An open letter/rant. Enjoy.

Dear Dumfuck Liberals: By not voting, and by not getting the liberal vote out, that means you can hand off control of the White House to President Mitt or President Newt or President Sarah…who will get to nominate all Federal judges including the Supreme Court, among other things. Not sure how this helps the Liberal cause and who exactly learns a lesson. Your little hissy fits in 2000 and votes for Nader in key states, helped pave the way for the Bush Administration. That worked out well for everybody, didn’t it?

Ya know, I’d love to live in a Beautiful Socialist Liberal Fantasy World, too, but I’m also mature enough to realize…this is America, not Sweden. We’re a big country full of big dumb Christian bubbas and very bland, middle of the road wishy washy suburbanites who would like to be and mistakenly believe they are part of the 1%. They are not keen on drastic liberal change and whatever changes need to be made, have to happen gradually, not overnight or over the course of a 4 year presidency. And, please don’t point out that FDR and LBJ got some major legislation passed in a short period of time. Both of them had large Democratic majorities in the House and Senate for part of their terms, and Roosevelt had the advantage of a Depression and a War to help him, and LBJ used the name of his martyred predecessor to pass significant chunks of Civil Rights legislation. Not quite the same deal for Obama.

Should Obama be tougher?

Yes. And, if he gets a second term and we take back the House, some serious shit might get accomplished. But, that means we have to work our asses off to get HIM elected, and take back the House of Representatives. That’s going to be hard to do, but not impossible…with huge amounts of determination, hard work and money. Otherwise, we are doomed.

So, in a nutshell, my Ultra Lefty and Very Young Democratic Friends, you need to grow up. Yes, it sucks we live in a Two Party political system, but splintering off to form a super liberal party only leads to a weaker Left and a stronger Right. If you enjoy having Republicans take control of Congress and the White House every four years, and causing huge amounts of damage to our country, then by all means, don’t vote or vote for far lefties who’ll never in a billion years get elected. It’s so very helpful.

And, please…feel free to make good on your promise to “move to Canada/New Zealand/Cloud Cuckoo Land if “Fill in the Blank” Republican gets elected. That’s also hugely helpful to the American political process and we’re sure that Canada/New Zealand/Cloud Cuckoo Land will welcome you with open arms. Good luck to you.

Love,

Mr. Strangeways

P.S. to Matt Damon: You know, I felt bad for you when Trey Parker and Matt Stone made such savage fun of you in their puppetfest film, “Team America”. They portrayed you as a retarded nitwit who could only exclaim, “I”m Matt Damon!” I felt bad for you then, and didn’t think you deserved that level of harshness. (In fact, their attack on all the celebrity Liberals who take political stands left a harsh taste in my mouth…it was sort of spot on in some ways, but pretty damn mean and they ignored Conservative blowhard celebrities.) But, I’ve heard one too many Liberal whiny asses in the last few weeks, bitterly making vows on Facebook and comment threads about their Obama Unhappiness and proclamations to not vote in 2012. Enough is enough. Whining and butt hurt tears get nothing accomplished. Support the candidate who will get SOMETHING done. Yes, it might not be everything you wish for, but it’s just like Christmas: most of us don’t get everything on our list. And, Matt and other disappointed Liberals, we hate to have to tell you this, but…

There is no Santy Claus. Make your own gawdamned Christmas. One jolly man or woman isn’t going to hop down your chimney and hand over everything on your Liberal Wish List. You gotta work for it, as part of a team and take the bad parts with the good parts.

Not convinced? Need another analogy?

Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where you can buy a zoo and every problem is solved in 110 minutes and you end up boffing Scarlett Johansson. That’s a fairy tale. This is real life.