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What Came Before Pokemon Go? The Seattle Retro Gaming...

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August 9, 2016 Comments Off on Gay Men as Pokémon: Generation 4 Views: 1637 *Beefcake Babylon, Games, Geek, Geek Squee

Gay Men as Pokémon: Generation 4

Pokemon Grindr

You’ve seen them wandering the sidewalk, heads buried in their phones, swiping repeatedly until they nod with satisfaction or stomp in frustration. They banter about who’s on what team, how many balls they’ve wasted, and how many steps they had to walk to hatch that damn 10km egg.

The Pokémon GO phenomenon is in full force!

Eugene EeveelutionsIn this 20th year of the franchise, the Pokémon brand is enjoying a huge influx of new players—and renewed passion from lifelong fans—with its successful venture into mobile gaming. What used to be criticized as a brand restricted by Nintendo consoles has proven to be a hit regardless of what machine you use to catch ‘em all.

Unfortunately, the app is still in its infancy and as a result only offers the original Generation 1 Pokémon. But there are still plenty of generations to keep the fodder coming for avid players as the app gets new upgrades!

That’s great news because, as the fad picks up steam, it continues to gain popularity with gay men.

Seattle Gay Scene has published how several of these beloved creatures from Generations 1, 2, and 3 represent gay male archetypes surprisingly well! That means it’s time for the next installment: Generation 4, hailing all the way from the fabled Pokémon region of Sinnoh.

Check out how the Gen 4 classics embody us ‘mos to a T!

 

El Suave: Roserade

Roserade gif

With a bouquet of flowers and his come-hither charm, a Roserade is all about the art of the game. He’s dashing, debonair, and knows how to make you weak-kneed and lightheaded. Loves to wine, dine, and woo you, but with all that pageantry, he might be hiding a toxic insecurity under that mask of seduction.

 

The Halloween Queen: Mismagius

Mismagius

You know the type: he talks a big game about never dressing in drag, but you know he secretly looks forward to Halloween all. year. long. Why? So he can sissy that walk in a holiday frock without any weird shame hang-ups. One day he’ll work up to donning a dress for Pride, but give it time.

 

The Culture Queen: Froslass

Froslass 1

One would think we’d be past racial transgressions by now. But then, without fail, some queen walks onstage dressed in a traditional or indigenous outfit that offends at least half the bar. Likely older and white, cultural appropriation is this drag queen’s politically incorrect forte. She uses the word “ethnic” to describe non-Western garments, but she pulls off the performance so well that you still stuff a dollar in that knock-off kimono.

 

The Berner: Magmortar

Magmortar gif

Yes, he’s still talking about Bernie Sanders. Yes, he’s seriously considering voting for Jill Stein. Yes, when others warn him about the risk of a 2016 Trump presidency, he replies with, “Our democracy is destroyed! Burn the establishment to the ground!” But he may not quite realize the queer community would be the least likely to rise from the ashes of a Republican nightmare presidency.

 

The Chatty Cathy: Chatot

Chatot gif

The Chatot never wants to stop talking. Ever. Extroverted to the extreme, he insists on filling every silence with some story about how he hooked up with a firefighter or who he saw in line at Starbucks or what he thinks of the latest celebrity Twitter feud. Enjoy conversations with him here and there, but if you’re an introvert, plan your hangouts with an exit strategy.

 

The Smelly Guy: Stunky

Stunky

He just reeks.

 

Schnoz for Days: Probopass

Probopass

Huge nose, for your pleasure. For his own wellbeing, a Probopass wouldn’t be caught dead dating a Stunky.

 

BDSM Slave: Wormadam

Wormadam

Slap him up and call him your little piggy, because he’s all for it. A Wormadam loves to be bound, immobilized, suspended, and tortured with pleasure. Whether you’re setting up your sadomasochism scene outdoors or inside, he’s game. Just establish his safe word before you gag him.

 

BDSM Master: Electivire

Electivire gif

Paired up perfectly with a Wormadam, an Electivire will bind you up, whip you, shock you, and do whatever else turns you on. While he might be proper and polite by day, he’s a supercharged beast in the dungeon. Expect a dominant, in-control personality while he sets up the scene and gives you his undivided attention.

 

The Classical Musician: Kricketune

Kricketune gif

“Score” can mean a couple different things for this guy. Brilliant, talented, and well-studied, his devotion to classical training lends itself to patience and discipline. You’ll be singing his praises after he shows you just how he strums that cello or tickles those ivories.

 

HJ McGee: Ambipom

Ambipom

What is sometimes referred to as a “side” rather than a top or bottom, the Ambipom may not be fully comfortable with all things mouth and south. But he loves to give a good handy. Bonus points if he’s ambidextrous.

 

Beyoncé-in-Training: Vespiqueen

Vespiqueen

He knows every step to the Single Ladies video. He can recite all of Partition on command. And he makes it clear you can never be his Number 1, because Queen Bey will reign over his heart forever. With his own Kelly/Michelle squad to back him up, he’s sweet as honey but will sting any bitch who says “I just think Rihanna is more talented.” It’s best to just follow his lead and get in formation.

And there you have it! Generation 4’s best queer mascots. Share and comment below if you think there are any to add! And of course, stay tuned for Generation 5’s Gay Men as Pokémon lineup right here at Seattle Gay Scene.

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