Full Frontal Honesty with Go-Go Sex-sation Shaw Huynh

Well hello, sir! Check out the vintage go-go cubes at R Place.
Photo courtesy of The Hill Has Eyes/Tim Harmon

By day, he’s a certified masseuse in Tumwater. By night, he’s a nearly naked go-go boy shaking his rump roast in Seattle. Shaw Huynh (pronounced ha-win) is hands down the best dancer that R Place has to offer and, quite possibly, in all of Seattle. Not just because he has the body-ody-ody of a Greek god, but he actually has a very smart brain to back it up.

After a bunch of reschedules, since he’s literally always working, I finally got to snag a few moments with one of my favorite Vietnamese manly men and pick his brain. Some might say that a go-go dancer doesn’t provide much of a compelling interview, but how many of them are interested in something other than the gym?

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Heather Hysteric: Let’s begin with your tenure at R Place. When did you start and what makes you stick around?

Shaw Huynh: I started dancing at R Place about two and a half years ago when when of the other dancers, Daniel Porras, needed one of his shifts covered. It has flown by, though. I stay for the money of course, but I also stay for the friendships I’ve developed there.

HH: It gets fucking hot up there on the third floor, but with your DNA, it’s not that surprising. How do you handle it when people are constantly grabbing at your penis and shoving dollar bills down your panties?

SH: Well, being Asian helps with the temperature factor. How often did you see the actors sweat in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” Never. As for the penis groping and dollar bill exchanges go, well, being part Italian helps with that.

HH: What’s your favorite underwear for dancing? Do you wear the same underwear out and about when you go to Safeway or Whole Foods?

SH: I prefer dancing in Diesel and Andrew Christian brand underwear. Between twerking and whatever gyrating motion I’m doing, the Andrew Christian brand allows things to move a little more freely when it’s cooler out, where as Diesel keeps my balls from slapping my clavicle in the warmer weather. It’s called long ball syndrome. #massagetherapydiagnosis

HH: I know that you’re a fan of Hot Wheelz and have a huge collection. What draws you to the tiny little cars? Which one is your favorite? You better say, “the monster truck that Heather Hysteric so kindly gifted me” or there’ll be Hell to pay.

SH: Of course, it’s the monster truck you got me! I use to go to monster truck rallies as a kid and yeah, I had a mullet. You’re welcome.

HH: So, you massage people for a living and I must say as your #1 client, you are fucking amazing at your job. What made you decide to get your hands on that career field? What do you like the most about it?

Here you can see Shaw just casually
posing on his massage table.

SH: Thank you! After a short bout with prescription anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers, I’ve been under alternative medicine care for most of my life. Between sports injuries and pre-existing conditions like scoliosis, I’d be the Asian version of the hunchback of Notre Dame…without the face. Gawd, without the face. After experiencing the long-term difference of massage therapy and chiropractic care, I decided to study and be apart of the only thing that kept my body going.

HH: Knowing how good you are with your hands, it always shocks me that you don’t have a steady boyfriend. Heaven knows I tried, but what gives? Is it because your schedule is so busy? Or, you just haven’t found the one person you instantly click with?

SH: Oh Brad, you know I can’t date patients. (winks) Too many boys in the area, though. Not enough men. I’ll probably end up getting in touch with my inner Asian spirit and run off with some Shinto priest who’s idea of sex is drawing a penis in the sand of tranquility. I hear they’re clean, though. *thumbs up*

HH: I live in Tacoma and that’s a slightly long ass commute. Aside from your job, what is it that you like so much about Tumwater that you won’t move to Seattle?

SH: Even though I enjoy Seattle, at heart, I’m a smaller city boy. I enjoy medium speed suburbia. Life in the fast lane is fun, but let’s face it, Asians shouldn’t drive very fast. (see: Asian Drivers on FOX’s Family Guy.)

HH: Not many know this, but you have a very beautiful singing voice. Why won’t you sing in public? What would entice you to do so?

SH: You’ve never heard me sing, obviously. Because if you had, you’d realize I sounded similar to those screaming goats that recently became viral on YouTube. Throw in some demonic possession and you’ve got yourself me singing in the shower.

And, here you can see Shaw posing oh so sexy for Travers Dow photography.
Puts a whole new meaning to Gorge Bush!

HH: I know that you’re very interested in the cosmos and the Universe in general. What gets you so geeked up about it? Do you believe in Aliens? And, of course, what’s your favorite planet?

SH: My interest in the cosmos stems from my need to understand things much larger than us. Cosmic perception is the recognition of where you are in relative to how far you can see and perceive the Universe in its entirety. Sounds bizarre, but it’s my goal to see “how far the rabbit hole goes”. Believing in extraterrestrial life is much like believing that someone else on the planet is also reading this article at the same time. Duh! To think we are the only intelligent life force ever is just plain agony. Mercury is my favorite planet because that son of a bitch is bad ass. The rotation on its axis is slower than its orbit around the sun, one side of the planet is constantly facing the sun creating a fiery fury on one side, while the shadowed side is a desolate serene iceland. Universe-gasm.

HH: What’s next for Shaw Huynh?

SH: I suppose travel is next. I have the opportunity to work in Spain, Brazil, and Australia at the end of 2014. It’s gonna be a busy end to my year, so I hope 2015 can keep up! Thanks Heather for the interview, I’ll see you next week for your appointment. Face down.

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You can catch Mr. Huynh shake his ass and his giant Italian stallion every Friday and Saturday on the go-go cubes of R Place at 619 E Pine St, Seattle, WA 98122.