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March 8, 2017 Comments Off on Gay Men as Pokémon: Generation 6 Views: 2950 *Beefcake Babylon, Games, Geek, Geek Squee

Gay Men as Pokémon: Generation 6

Matt & Archie

 

Your body is ready. You’ve trained for this moment. Your PokéBalls are shuddering with anticipation…

What started as a Game Boy fad in 1996 has steadily grown into a film franchise, a cartoon series, a trading card game, a handheld console phenomenon, and after last year’s groundbreaking Pokémon GO release, a mobile game staple. Now, with an exciting update to Pokémon GO and the highly successful release of a new mobile game—Pokémon Duel—the 21-year Pokémon craze is only getting crazier!

Ilima GIFFans of the franchise have been rewarded with more culturally-conscious elements to the games as well, including more representation of people of color, female characters in leadership roles, and hat-tips to same-sex crushes—as much as can be portrayed among 10-year-olds.

Seattle Gay Scene has explored how Generations 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 have each developed Pokémon that speak to contemporary gay archetypes. Now the time has come for us to dive into the Kalos region’s queerest Pokémon from Generation 6!

 

The Hair Model: Pyroar

Pyroars

His Instagram account has one follower for each follicle on his shimmering head. With all the product he purchases and primping he performs, the everyday Pyroar’s obsession with his glorious mane has gotten him some serious attention. Just don’t ask to touch it.

 

Mr. Sweet Tooth: Slurpuff

Slurpuff GIF

Cavities and diabetes are imminent with a Slurpuff, who happily spends copious amounts of money on sugary delights. Whether it’s chocolate truffles or flaky pastries, no Slurpuff’s meal is complete without dessert. It’s easy to please a man as sweet as his vices by showing up with some treats to share—if he’ll let you have any.

 

The Halloween Fanatic: Pumpkaboo

Pumpkaboo

His house is covered in fake cobwebs and plastic spiders the MINUTE October begins. But unlike a Slurpuff, a Pumpkaboo is into Halloween for more than just the candy. He lives for reruns of Hocus Pocus and the chance to cover himself in fake blood. Don’t embarrass yourself in his presence by saying you’re just “not into dressing up,” or worse yet, “This year I’m going in blackface, but it’s okay because my ‘sexy pharaoh’ outfit shows off my abs.” Barf.

 

The Dirty Boy: Diggersby

Diggersby GIF

The filthiest, nastiest sex pig you’ve ever seen on Grindr. He’s into anything that runs a high risk of Hepatitis C. If you’re down with that, you’ll have lots to enjoy together! Bring a tarp.

 

The Tweaker: Espurr

Espurr GIF

If methamphetamines were nickels, the Espurr would be rich. And his bloodstream would be full of fucking nickels. With pupils the size of saucers and bloodshot eyes, you’ll have a hard time holding this guy’s attention long enough to tell him the bouncer is coming this way. Oops.

 

The Second Amendment Bombast: Clawitzer

Clawitzer GIF

“I’m not like those liberal PUSSIES who carry MACE in their PURSES,” the Clawitzer crows. “I will DEFEND myself from TERRORISTS and THUGS the way Sweet Confederate Baby Jesus INTENDED: with an AK47!” The guy is obsessed with guns despite the general unpopularity of firearms in the queer community. Possibly overcompensating for a shrimpy emotional spectrum/sense of security/penis.

 

The Florist: Florges

Florges

He’s a florist!

 

Daddy’s Lil’ Dragonslayer: Sylveon

Sylveon

He may look cute, but a Sylveon’s creativity and optimism are weapons of mass construction. A frequent rally attendee and vocal gay rights defender on social media, this fledgling fairy is fighting the revolution with passion, persistence, and a floral crown Snapchat filter.

 

The Wrestler: Hawlucha

Hawlucha GIF

Luchador matches, cage fights, scrapping in a mud puddle: a WWE-obsessed Hawlucha only stops watching wrestling to actually wrestle. Annoying AF but a fun fling if you want to get tossed around a bit.

 

Your Late Friend: Sliggoo

Sliggoo

The guy is always—ALWAYS—late. And fervently telling him “We’re going to be late!” only seems to slow him down even more. Just accept that if there’s a Sliggoo in your life, you’ll need to add an extra 30 minutes to your ETA.

 

Bad News: Yveltal

Yveltal GIF

The skies darken when he comes into your life, and he won’t leave until he’s leached your soul into oblivion. Embittered and lonely by his own design, an Yveltal is likely grappling with deep shame issues and an overwhelming sense of fear that manifest as aggression against other gay men. Steer clear.

 

The Porn Connoisseur: Malamar

Malamar GIF

Whether it’s Japanese tentacle anime, underwater bondage clips, filthy Diggersby stream channels, or videos of masked Hawluchas wrestling in oil, the Malamar has seen it all. After so much exposure to porn, this guy has established a discerning palate for his own erotic interests and what constitutes good-quality Spank Bank material. A helpful subject matter expert to have in your network!

Generation 6 birthed many lovable Pokémon to catch and territories to explore, but these 12 queer favorites give us even more reason to enjoy the Kalos region! Which one do you identify with most? Any gay archetypal Gen 6 monsters I missed? Comment below and stay tuned for Gay Men As Pokémon: Generation 7 coming soon!

 

Kiawe & Ash

 

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