Miss Temple’s Guide to Surviving the 2012 White Party Palm Springs

White Party Palm Springs. Photo by Phil Lobel

It’s no secret that I have an addictive personality. I never do anything in moderation. I over-shop, over-eat, and over-indulge. Last weekend at White Party in Palm Springs proved to be no different (except for the over-eating, not sure why I didn’t have an appetite. It must have been the warm weather). It was the perfect opportunity to binge on sinfully delightful pleasures and gorge myself on all the latest gossip.

Before I start divulging all of the details of my weekend of debauchery I want to take a moment and reflect back on my one decade as a journalist. Many people don’t realize that White Party Palm Springs was my first assignment ever! This event holds a special place in my heart because as a junior in at UW majoring in Journalism I was elected as Miss Gay Seattle in 2002 (Miss Gay Seattle 39). The managing editor of the Seattle Gay News at the time (Matt Nagel) reached out to me and gave me an opportunity to cover this event and many others while reaching out to the entire community. the entire community. During this time I came up with my motto, “it’s ironic that the group of people most known for lip-syncing (drag queens) can make the biggest difference when they allow their real voices to be heard..” The past ten years have afforded me a respectable career in media that includes writing for The Advocate, SIRIUS OutQ News on Satellite Radio, HX Magazine, CBS News on Logo and The Early Show, Seattle Gay News, Out-viewOnline,  and a slew of other publications and now at my newest home, Seattle Gay Scene. To the people who criticize my choice to go attend this event: This is where my roots are and you can never really know where you are going unless you know where you came from. OK…. soap-box moment over, now let’s get down and diiiiiiiiiirrrrrrttyyy!

White Party Palm Springs Magic! Photo: TT

White Party Fouls

Easter weekend celebrates the resurrection of our savior Christ from the dead. I can’t think of a better way to honor this occasion than to spend it with thousands of cut-up circuit boys who also look like they have risen from the dead. It must suck to be them because with these new airline restrictions it will cost an extra 40 dollars to check those bags under their eyes.

As we woke up on Sunday morning to head to brunch at 9:30 and we ran into a fellow Seattle Socialite who was just coming home from After-after hours still wearing half of his outfit from the night before. He tried to play it cool behind his Dolce & Gabbana stunner shades but it was obvious he had a little too much fun. Being the overly caring and compassionate person I am, I asked him, “Dude are you just getting home? Are you alright?” I received a pensive “yah, I’m fine. Rough night.” Unfortunately, my conversation made him miss both elevators as they went to the top floor.

As he anxiously a waited for the elevators to return I remembered I saw him wearing a great white form fitting AX shirt the night before. “Aren’t you cold? Why aren’t you wearing your shirt?” He said, “I took it off to dance last night and then it must have fallen out of my belt loop.” So I had to walk a few blocks bare chested back to the hotel.” Gives new meaning of walk of shame, or in his case, shuffle of shame.

Just as he said that, a picture perfect family heading to Easter services dressed in pastels came out of the elevator. He glanced at the little girl dressed in her Sunday best which caused her to cry out “Mommy!” and burst into tears. I think
the intense look in his eyes scared her and she feared he had murdered the Easter Bunny.

TT beauty tip. For those unsightly under eye bags, try applying Preparation H. Most of you probably could use some tightening under the eyes….and a little tightening where it was meant to be used anyway.

Forbidden Fruit of the Loom (Underwear Party)

As you can imagine, the Underwear Party at the Renaissance Ballroom did not disappoint. Scantily clad Ken dolls with perfect bodies and designer undies bopped away while intensely biting their lips.

After I had a good buzz going, it was killed by running into a pre-Madonna who was so twacked of out of his brain that he spilled his Gatorade on me. Of course being that I was raised to be a benevolent Diva I wanted to help him, so I gave him a run-down of TT’s guide to surviving an underwear party.

• Think about the situation. You are in a cozy ballroom packed with thousands of sweaty men dancing in the desert where even the evenings can get a little warm and moist.
• If you’re going to get down to your skivvies make sure there is some lycra or spandex… don’t just wear cotton briefs like this folio.
• After a while you look like you are wearing saggy grannie panties or that you shat your pants.
• Finally, we’ve all seen the movie Trainspotting. You know that bathroom scene after he gets really high and has to use the lavatory? All I can say is: WIPE THOROUGHLY!
• No one wanted to see your crack encrusted skid marks.
• You are a train wreck.

Tramp Stamps

I hate to have to call out one of my friends but you have to call a spade a spade and a whore a whore. Everyone knows that these circuit vacations can be expense. Even an heiress needs to bunk up and share a suite with her closest guy-pals. The quandary is how does anyone hook up if everyone is sharing a room? If both party’s rooms are occupied, then where do you go to do the nasty when you find Mr. Right?

One of my travel companions decided that it’d be a good idea to take it to the throne room (aka the powder room -yes I meant it to be a pun bitches!) He took an hour and a half shower and thought that those plush towels would be enough cushion for the pushing on the bathroom floor and the side of the bathtub. I guess that hard porcelain tub had another thing to say because when he came down he had a giant bruise on the small of his back near his back tattoo. Is this what a real tramp stamp looks like?

Photo: TT

Fairy Tale Endings

It was as if it was straight out of a movie. Two people’s eyes meet from across the room and they are instantly drawn to each other. As he got closer I recognized the friendly yet oh so handsome face belonged to my Microsoft-Hottie crush from back home. As always he looked perfect. With his white outfit on I imagined seeing him standing on top of our six tier buttercream Hansen’s wedding cake (if you don’t’ know that’s the place that made Kim Kardashian’s wedding cake). The perfect man made his way through the sea of people and gave me a big squeeze. He felt and smelled so good. In his arms it felt like the way the world was meant to be.

Then I saw him. . . . I couldn’t see him before because he was all of 5’2. This skinny little Asian boy with knee high vinyl boots, body glitter, a white jock strap, and angels wings emerged from the crowd and clutched onto my future husband’s hand. I felt a little piece of me die. “Oh Teriyaki, you so pretty. So glamorous,” he squeaked in a thick accent. I graciously thanked him and forced a smile. As I looked at “the would be home wrecker.” I thought to myself, “WTF did this boy have that I didn’t I.” I know what I have and he doesn’t. Height, class, and a green card. (Don’t roll your eyes at me missy! He’s one of my people! I can say this kind of shit.)

Then a drug induced contact high from all the party boys made me think of one of my favorite movies. Have you guys ever seen that movie with Drew Barrymore where she is Cinderella? I think the movie is called “Ever After.” I imagined that the Asian boy was Drew Barrymore and as he came tramping into the convention center and uttered the words “Just breath) and I’d be like Angelica Houston who runs up and rips his fairy wings off and says, “Bow before royalty you insolent swine.” Is it me or was I the only one who laughed in the movie theater when that happened? All kidding aside, I hope they are happy together. I mean nothing says a class or fairy-tail ending like showing your booty hole to a convention center full of people.

Memorable Moments of 2012 White Party

Each year I attend with a large group of friends and make new ones and thinking back, the weekend did deliver some pretty spectacular moments.

TT’s Top Five White Party Moments (That she can remember)

5. Hanging out under the Sun at the Grindr’s 2nd Anniversary Pool Party with my besties cruising boys in speedos! And then running into my SF crush in the hotel lobby.

The MENS! Photo: TT

4. When they played Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song” at the Underwear Party and kissed fellow Seattle Socialite XXXX XXXXXX and The Andrew Christian’s Underwear Fashion Show

Better get a Bucket.... Photo: TT

3. Watching the Fireworks Display at the T-Dance as the sunset over the desert while they did a Whitney tribute.

2. Getting my grind on at the Closing Party with DJ Palo.

1. Best moment this weekend was watching Mary J. Blige perform at the White Party and having the entire crowd sing along to “Just Fine!”

Mary J. Blige takes the stage at White Party Palm Springs. Photo: TT

Finally, one of my favorite moments each year is not any of the events but it’s the journey home. Shaka and I had too many laughs watching the sketchy boys go through airport security sweating profusely. We watched as they chewed their lips and pretended to play it cool as they boarded the plane and watched them as they frantically tried to stuff an oversized suitcase into the over-head bins. As the flight attended announced over the loud speaker, “as soon as you boys sit down we can get rolling” which made us laugh out loud and say, “I think you are four days too late. I think they’ve been rolling for a while now.”

Till next year my sweets.

XOXO,
TT

The Penthouse Suite at the Palm Springs Spa Resort Casino.

Ladies of Leisure Lodging

Like any glamorous restaurant heiress trying to keep my nose clean (literally and figuratively) I decided to stay at the Spa and Resort Casino in Palm Springs. It was the perfect location because it was only two blocks away from the Renaissance, the host hotel for White Party. During my stay at the hotel I was confronted by a few of my greatest addictions: Spa Treatments, gambling, and nocturnal activities. I won’t tell you which one prevailed.

Any good heiress knows that a posh place to lay her head away from the glaring eye of media and the wide glossy eyes of circuit boys is the only way to keep the crow’s feet away. Especially, when you dance till long after the rooster crows.

That’s why this year my entourage and I decided to stay at the Spa Resort Casino. “Rediscover the luxury, style, and service you deserve at the newly remodeled Hotel at Spa Resort Casino in downtown Palm Springs. Every guest room has been revitalized; every hallway refreshed. Enjoy comfortable new mattresses, cozy bedding, pillows, and flat-screen televisions. And Tech savvy travelers will rejoice in the free Wi-Fi and snazzy bedside clock radio with an iPod/iPhone docking station. The only thing that will never change: the hotel’s magnificent views and ideal location, just steps away from fabulous Palm Canyon Drive.”

The 2,000 square-foot Penthouse Suite was the only accommodation fit for this princess. The room was more like my old Soho flat, with a private foyer, two separate living rooms, a dining area, kitchenette, large bedroom, master bathroom suite, plus additional guest bath with a whirlpool tub. But, the best part of the Penthouse Suite was the balcony. It was a virtual outdoor living space offering sweeping views of the surrounding mountains, palm trees washed in sunshine, and… own private jetted spa tub. The Penthouse Suite was the perfect backdrop for our notorious after party and doubled as the perfect get away from the WP madness.

Let me add that the slots at the casino were looser than a party bottom’s behind on day four! I won four hundred bucks on a slot machine named Kitty Glitter! Meow!

The decadent pool at Palm Springs Spa Resort & Casino.

Spa Day

Before hitting the party scene hard I always treat myself to a spa day. It’s why after four days or hanging out in the sun and drinking margaritas I look refreshed and glowing. Too bad I can’t say the same for some of the tragic messes we ran into  – haggard much?

We spent half a day at the spa getting a massage and “Taking of the Waters” a sanctuary for the mind, body and soul: experience the natural hot springs at The Spa. These legendary springs are what gave Palm Springs its name. They’ve attracted millions of visitors and Hollywood stars since the 1880s and now a self-important/self-indulgent cross dresser.

The treatment included steam, sauna and eucalyptus inhalation is followed by the famous “Taking of the Waters,” a therapeutic, relaxing 10 minute soak in a private sunken tub filled with the famed mineral waters. When it was complete we fell asleep in the soothing Tranquility Room that had us energized and ready to go on the long weekend.

For more information on places to stay and visit while in Palm Springs check out http://www.visitpalmsprings.com/